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Published on August 23, 2025

Brad Peters, Chief Development Officer, Director, CEO of Speed Mingle

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy. Many people shy away from discussing their desires in bed due to fear of judgment, embarrassment, or even rejection. However, expressing your needs can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying experience for both partners. It’s about creating a safe space where desires can be explored without shame.

Before the Heat of the Moment

• Set the stage: Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and not distracted. This could be during a quiet dinner, while cuddling on the couch, or even on a leisurely walk. The key is to be in a low-pressure environment where you can both speak freely.
• Start with “I” statements: Instead of making demands, focus on your own feelings and desires. For example, “I feel really turned on when we try new things,” or “I’ve been curious about exploring [specific act].” This makes the conversation less confrontational and more about sharing your personal journey.
• Emphasize connection: Frame your desires as a way to deepen your intimacy and connection. “I think exploring this together would bring us even closer,” or “I’m excited to discover new ways to pleasure each other.”
• Be patient and understanding: Your partner might need time to process what you’re saying. Be open to their questions and concerns, and be prepared to listen to their desires as well. This is a two-way street.

In the Moment

• Subtle suggestions: If you’re not ready for a direct conversation, start with subtle cues. Guide your partner’s hand, make a sound of pleasure when they hit the right spot, or briefly whisper a desire into their ear.
• “More of that, please”: When your partner does something you enjoy, let them know! “I love when you do that,” or “More of that, please!” Positive reinforcement is incredibly effective.
• Direct but gentle: If you’re feeling brave, be direct but gentle. “Could we try [specific act]?” or “I’d really love it if you did [specific action].” Confidence can be very attractive.
• Use humor: A little humor can diffuse tension and make the conversation feel lighter. Just be sure your humor is not dismissive of your partner’s feelings.

What to Avoid

• Criticism or blame: Never make your partner feel like they’re doing something wrong. Focus on what you want, not what they’re not doing.
• Assumptions: Don’t assume your partner knows what you want. They’re not mind readers!
• Passive aggression: If you’re not happy, say something directly. Hinting or sulking will only lead to frustration.
• Demands: Frame your desires as requests, not demands.

Benefits of Asking for What You Want

• Increased pleasure: When you communicate your desires, you’re more likely to get what you want, leading to a more pleasurable experience for you.
• Deeper intimacy: Open communication builds trust and strengthens the emotional and physical bond between partners.
• Mutual satisfaction: When both partners are comfortable expressing their needs, the experience becomes mutually satisfying.
• Sexual growth: Exploring new things together can lead to exciting discoveries and a richer sex life.

Conclusion

Asking for what you want in bed doesn’t have to be embarrassing. With a little preparation, communication, and a focus on mutual respect and pleasure, you can transform your intimate life. Remember, your desires are valid, and expressing them is a sign of a healthy, confident individual.

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